This has been a week of "letting go." Of special pieces of furniture, a home I love and a beloved pet. What an emotional roller coaster!
Easiest first....I constantly harp on keeping your home free of clutter. But I am notorious for hanging onto things that were my kids.
It doesn't bother me too terribly much because they each still have their "own" room in my house where their walls are adorned with framed jerseys, flight maps, pictures and diplomas...and their closets are packed with shoes and clothes I know they will never wear again. I have an entire attic full of carefully boxed and labeled childhood "momentos." Specifically every trophy, jersey, letter jacket, report card, certificate, award, newspaper clippings...anything and everything that represents their childhoods is stored in my attic.
One thing I could NOT get in the attic is this little "house shelf" I built and painted for Katie when she was a baby.
I built this cabinet and a little table and "tuffets" for her first Christmas. The table and tuffets are long gone but this little shelf was in her room until she was old enough to put her foot down and demand I remove it. I think it was after the "teal, purple and blue" phase and before the "fail whale/chalk wall."
Since I had no place to put it, it has languished in the garage for years. Brian has begged me to sell it to free up space, but I just could not bring myself to part with it. I wanted it to go to another little girl and I NEVER want it sold in a garage sale for $25.
Wednesday a beautiful little girl came to claim it. She immediately did what Katie did when she was little...curled right up in the cabinet and shut the door. I found Katie sleeping in there on more than one occasion.
Almost made me cry.
So next week the precious little "house shelf" will go to another little girl's room. I told her parents I never wanted it sold...when their daughter is old enough to put her foot down and demand it be taken away, I wanted it given to another little girl or returned to me.
Then...I made an offer on a house and (after weeks of back and forth...its a repo...what a nightmare!) it was accepted. I will go into much more detail in the future, but suffice it to say, I have a MAJOR project on my hands AND I have to get my house ready to sell. Wow...I honestly never thought I would say that about this house!
Don't judge just yet...I know, the colors are all wrong, the landscaping is all wrong, the "lack of architectural style" is all wrong...and don't even get me started on the inside. But I think it has "good bones" and a lot of potential.
Give me time, and all the equity in this house, and I know it will eventually be a great house.
Again, I will share more details later! There are some tremendous upsides to this house...or at least it's "potential." There will be LOTS of projects to share and I am sure the buying and selling process will give me a lot to talk about in the next few months.
Lastly, (and the most heart wrenching).... I had to make the decision to have my precious Molly kitty put to sleep.
She was a week older than Katie...and we have had her since Katie was a newborn. Seventeen plus years. It ripped my heart out to let her go. She was a beautiful, loving, precious kitty!
If you have never had to have a precious pet put to sleep, you are so fortunate. It is a gut-wrenching experience and one I now dread even more since I have a house full of much loved critters that I know I will have to part with someday.
I won't go into gory details, but I dropped her off at Dr. Mark Davis' office Thursday morning. When he called me later that morning (a wonderful, kind friend who happens to be our vet!) he told me what was going on and what our options were. The decision on how to proceed was too much so I asked him what HE would do if she were HIS cat. Considering her age and other health issues, the prognosis was not good...but it ultimately was still my decision. It is a decision one should NEVER have to make. If we dare to even think about it, we all hope our precious pets will just die peacefully in their little beds after a long and happy life. We are not always so fortunate.
I went back up to his office, wrapped her in a towel and spent time holding and petting her. And crying. She knew something was wrong...she always does....if I was ever sick or upset, she knew. She took her little paw and started stroking my face. That made it even worse. There was a moment when I thought I would just walk out the door with her and take her home. But I knew that would not be best for her.
Sometimes letting go means putting aside your own pain and fear and thinking of what is best for someone else.
We have three other cats. And two dogs.
But I don't think I will every have another kitty as special as Molly.
Naturally, I am crying just relating this story. When I am sad I try to think of something funny or happy to keep from "going there."
Years ago my mother had to have her siamese cat put to sleep. I had to explain the process to the boys (then 5 and 4). The "doctor" had to put Amy "to sleep" because she was sick and that meant she had died and we would no longer get to see her. A few weeks later Mitchell developed a rash and my mother looked at it and said I should probably take him to the doctor. He began crying hysterically and refusing to go to the doctor. When I was finally able to get him to calm down enough to understand him, he said through gasps and hysterical tears "I DON'T WANT TO BE PUT TO SLEEP!"
Tough week...letting go can seem unimaginable...whether it is a person, pet, house or a silly piece of furniture! But in the end you have to focus on the positive and keep moving forward! Think of all the wonderful things you miss when you are consumed by and mired down in sadness and grief.
Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened!