Are you thinking about retirement?
I hope you had an amazing Christmas! (HERE I shared my Christmas decor )
So many of us are looking towards the New Year so this week I want to “muse” a tad.
I want to talk specifically to those contemplating retirement.
So often everyone focuses on the “financial aspect” of retirement.
Do I have enough in savings? Will my pension be enough? Will I have my house paid off or can I afford a payment? When will social security kick in and how much will it be? What kind of medical insurance will I need?
All valid questions. Ones AARP, retirement gurus and financial institutions are more than happy to help you answer and navigate.
But there are a few aspects to retirement few discuss or focus on.
In my opinion, they are as important or maybe even more important than your financial well-being.
Your emotional and psychological well-being when you no longer have “a purpose.” A job or career that gets you out of bed and on the clock 8-10 hours a day, 4-5 days a week, 365 days a year…less of course vacations and holidays.
The commitments that a career or job requires…the social network it provides.
I want to paint the living room. I need to clean out the garage. I want to play more golf or fish or travel. I want to spend more time with my grandkids. I want to learn to paint/bake/knit.
All very valid “wants.”
But do the math.
Lets say you are just a typical 9 to 5er…5 days a week. So you basically work 40 hours a week. That is 2,080 hours a year…less vacations and holidays…so lets say 160 hours of PTO and 11 national holidays (88 hours). All said and done maybe 1,830 hours a year. That means you have somewhere in the neighborhood of, on average, 35 hours a week that is no longer dedicated to “earning a living.”
Keep in mind, that 35 hours a week you have to fill up doesn’t include commute time you no longer need or time prepping lunches or clothes for the week. Your weekends aren’t filled with grocery shopping, running errands or housework because now you have ALL week to do those things!
So you have 35+ hours a week to golf or fish or spend time with grandkids. You have all the free time in the world to paint the living room or clean out the garage. You have time to learn to paint or bake or knit. You can finally take that trip to Yellowstone or go on an Alaskan cruise. You can finally read a few good books. Maybe you even want to write a book!
Sweet.
So you think.
In reality, let me tell you what happens.
You wake up the first Monday morning and you are LOVING not having to jump up and hit the day with your hair on fire.
The week after you return from your dream vacation to Alaska or Europe you open the garage door and start cleaning out that disaster or start painting the living room…that will take a good week or two. But then it’s done.
Course there are always other “honey-dos” around the house you haven’t had time to tackle because of busy work weeks. Clean out the gutters, repair and paint the exterior of the house, purge and organize all your closets. Realistically how many weeks or months would it take to get it ALL done?
Maybe you plan golf or fishing dates with your buddies (IF they aren’t still working)….that eats up a good 8-10-12 hours a week.
You sign up for those painting or baking classes…there’s another few hours a week
Maybe you schedule ”play dates” with your grands a few hours a week.
So you spend a few months, or even a year, enjoying your retirement…doing the things you WANT to do rather than working.
Remember, if we are lucky we have another 20-30 years to fill up.
Then reality sets in.
You no longer have to hustle to make a paycheck.
You spent so much time with the people at work that they really became your primary “social network.” But they are all still working so they don’t have the time or energy you have to “socialize.”
Your “identity” was so wrapped up in WHAT you were for 20-30-40 years…now you are what?
“Retired?”
All the things you WANT to do….golf, fishing, baking, knitting, reading, grands…they may take up some of your day but not a full 40+ hours a week that use to be dedicated to your job/career.
Suddenly you find yourself feeling “guilty” that you aren’t running around with your hair on fire. You are in your pajamas at 10 a.m. still drinking coffee and watching the morning news while your spouse, friends, ex-coworkers are out there “doing.”
Suddenly you find yourself without a “purpose.”
“Purpose.” That was the word that hit me like a ton of bricks when I found myself really floundering a few months after my “retirement.”
What exactly is my purpose…and what does that even mean?
For most of our lives our “purpose” (and by default our “identity”) is wrapped up in our careers (I’m a doctor/business owner/secretary) and of course our families…I am so and so’s wife, husband, mother.
Then our kids grow up and get their own lives…we are still parents but they don’t demand as much of our time and attention.
We retire and we no longer see ourselves as “what we do.”
Suddenly we are faced with the reality that we have to find a new identity…a new purpose. Because if we are lucky we have another 20-30-40 years left on this earth.
I didn’t plan well for the “emotional/social/psychological” aspects of retirement….and what I discovered is that I really struggled with a lot of negative feelings.
Guilt. Everyone else is still working and I am doing nothing or I’m not making the kind of money I made before so I am no longer contributing to the household like I use to.
Loneliness/lack of a social life. I am stuck at home alone. I can’t travel like I wanted because my partner is still working. Most of my friends are still working so I have no one to play with.
Boredom. The garage is clean, the living room is painted, I read/knitted/baked for two hours today and played golf for 4 hours…now what!?
I could volunteer! Yes, I will volunteer! Let’s see…I can''t volunteer at the animal shelter because I would bring home every stray animal. Sick kids make me sad so I can’t volunteer at Children’s. I’m way to close to THAT so I don’t want to work with elderly people.
So what advise can I give to those who are contemplating retirement?
Finances…of course. You have to make sure you are financially sound. There are so many resources to help you prepare financially for retirement…find them and use them.
In my opinion, don’t go into retirement with debt…house payment, car payments, personal loans, credit card debt. If you need to work a few extra years to pay those things off…do it. Those debts will drain the resources you will need! Use your income to pay off debt…not your retirement funds.
Your health. Do not fool yourself into believing you will eat better, exercise, or stop smoking AFTER you retire. Do it NOW…develop healthy habits NOW. Start getting as healthy as you can NOW so that it will be easier to face the health issue that may arise because of aging.
Be realistic about your need for health insurance and make sure that factors into the “financial preparation” you do.
No, we don’t get to control every aspect of our health…but take control of the things you can control…your diet and exercise and stop the bad habits that can negatively affect your health long term. (HERE I shared my journey to stop smoking)
Mental health…whatever that means to you. For me, it meant getting rid of the “negative” thoughts in my brain.
I also use exercise (biking and walking) and eating better as part of my mental health regiment.
I did not want the negative…hatred, bitterness, envy, anger, frustration, fear, regret…to have ANY affect on my life. Let’s be honest…it’s dang near impossible to banish ALL negative from our lives. After all there are still stupid people all around us…lol!
But finding a way to manage those negative feelings and thoughts and replacing them with healthy positives is a “must do” regardless of your age. If you can’t do it on your own, find someone who can help you…NOW!
Find your purpose….When I realized I had to fill 30-40 hours a week with something other than work, I really began to search for a “purpose.” Something I could do that would be fulfilling and fill my days with positive, uplifting things.
Truthfully…unless you are just a “golf freak” or fishing fanatic, or unless you can sit and read or paint for 8 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year….you are going to have some serious down time.
Waiting til you retire is not the time to “find your purpose” or recreate a new identity.
REMIND YOURSELF DAILY…YOU DESERVE THIS!!! You worked your entire adult life. You deserve this. The only way I finally banished the “guilt” was reminding myself daily that I deserved to be in my pajamas at 10 a.m. drinking coffee. I deserved the leisurely walks with my dogs. I deserved long lunches with my friends and naps with my grandkids.
I worked my whole life to save enough to retire. I am certainly not on the “wealthy” spectrum and I don’t have the luxury of spending willy-nilly. But I have far fewer financial demands than I had while I was raising kids and I have enough to live relatively comfortable in my retirement years.
HERE I shared part of my journey to finding purpose. As I noted, it took me a good two years to figure it out. Don’t go into retirement without a purpose and spend two years floundering like I did.
So BEFORE you retire, find your “purpose.” Find what truly fulfills you before retirement and be realistic about how much time it will require.
Not hobbies, or travel plans, or projects around the house…but something you can do that will take up all the free time you will have AFTER you do those fun things.
Something that will give you real “purpose.” Something that will make you wake up every Monday morning with a plan…something you can feel good about and look forward to!
Get happy, get healthy, and really prepare yourself MENTALLY for this dramatic change in your life.
If you want to go into retirement and just putter around with a few hobbies here and there…go for it. But honestly, if you have been a busy bee for the last 40 years of your life, I can almost guarantee you won’t be happy.
Worse, you will not be physically or mentally healthy. The negatives of not having a real purpose….not having something constructive and positive to do…not having a good social support group….those will drain the physical and mental life out of you.
You will find yourself having a miserable, unhealthy last chapter of life.
You can have a great financial portfolio going into retirement….but if you are bogged down with negatives of regret, loneliness, anger or you are unhealthy mentally or physically…you will truly suffer.
Retirement can be a fulfilling time in your life….IF you plan for it!!!!
